The Inner Oak: Nurturing Self-Worth in Children and Ourselves

Nurturing Self-Worth in Children and Ourselves

Emily is a cheerful 9-year-old. As a typical 9-year-old, her world was filled with adventures — from singing her favorite songs to doodling masterpieces on paper. She loved playing hockey with her friends, dreaming of scoring the winning goal. One day during practice, she missed an important goal and she felt a sinking feeling in her tummy.

Determined to lift her spirits, Emily’s parents showered her with encouragement. “You’re great at hockey! You just had an off day!” they said, trying to boost her self-esteem. Emily, though on the surface, looked happier, but inwards, she kept feeling that deep down sadness whenever she faced setbacks. No matter how many compliments or encouraging words she received, her sense of self began to waver whenever she didn’t succeed as she expected.

It was only when her parents and teachers shifted their focus from merely boosting her self-esteem to instilling a sense of self-worth that Emily began to shine again. They helped her realize that her value wasn’t tied to her performance on the hockey field or her grades in school. Instead, it was about being herself and accepting herself however she is.

Understanding Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem play significant roles in how children feel about themselves, but they operate on different levels.

Self-worth is the intrinsic value we hold within ourselves simply by being who we are. It’s the understanding that we deserve love, respect, and happiness, regardless of our achievements or failures. It is like an oak tree: an oak tree remains an oak tree, whether it is big or small, old or young, healthy or ill. It is an oak tree, and that’s final.

On the other hand, self-esteem is shaped by external factors such as accomplishments or social validation. For instance, a good grade or a successful soccer game can boost a child’s self-esteem, while a failed test or a missed goal can quickly diminish it. Like an oak tree, we don’t appreciate it merely for being an oak; instead, we measure its appearance—how tall it is and how fast it grows, and we often compare it with other trees.

Emily’s journey demonstrates this distinction perfectly. Although praise and encouragement from her parents and teachers temporarily lifted her confidence, it wasn't sustainable. The fluctuations in her self-esteem made her vulnerable, leading to doubts about her worthiness. It was only when those around her emphasized her self-worth, validating her for who she was inside — not just for her hockey skills or grades — that she started to improve genuinely.

Techniques to Cultivate Children’s Self-Worth

1. Positive Affirmations: Encourage children to craft affirmations that celebrate their unique qualities. For example, “I am a great friend,” or “I am creative,” or “I am great to be myself,” Hang these affirmations in a visible space, like a bathroom mirror, as daily reminders.

2. Mindful Moments: Set aside time daily for “Mindful Minutes,” where family members can sit quietly and breathe together. Ask your child to think about one quality they appreciate about themselves during this time.

3. Celebrate Strengths: Create a "Strengths Chart" at home, where kids can add drawings or notes about their hobbies and interests. When they feel down, refer back to this chart!

4. Engage in Gratitude: Establish a bedtime ritual where everyone shares one thing they’re thankful for about themselves. This cultivates self-love in a fun, lighthearted way.

5. Compliment Project: Help children create a “Compliment Wall” at home where family members can leave uplifting notes for one another. This reinforces the idea of intrinsic value beyond achievements.

Self-Worth Awareness Activity for Parents

As parents, raising a confident child who appreciates their self-worth starts with understanding our own awareness of self-worth. If we lack this awareness, it can become challenging to impart that vital understanding to our kids. By nurturing our own sense of self-esteem, we set a positive example, empowering our children to recognize and embrace their own value.

Activity for You: Understanding Your Awareness of Self-Worth

Instructions: Rate your responses from 1 (Strongly Disagree) to 5 (Strongly Agree) for the following statements regarding self-worth for both yourself and your approach to encouraging it in your children.

Part 1: Self-Reflection on Your Own Self-Worth

1. I believe in my own inherent worth, independent of my achievements. 1 2 3 4 5

2. I practice self-care and self-compassion regularly. 1 2 3 4 5

3. I am comfortable acknowledging my strengths and talents. 1 2 3 4 5

4. I recognize my mistakes but do not allow them to diminish my self-worth. 1 2 3 4 5

5. I seek validation from within rather than relying solely on others’ opinions. 1 2 3 4 5

   
   

   Total Score for Self-Reflection: __________

   
   

Part 2: How You Encourage Self-Worth in Your Children

1. I believe my child's worth is inherent, not based on their achievements. 1 2 3 4 5

2. I often praise my child's character traits and values more than their accomplishments. 1 2 3 4 5

3. I encourage my child to reflect on their feelings rather than just outcomes. 1 2 3 4 5

4. I help my child understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and that failure doesn’t define their worth. 1 2 3 4 5

5. My child knows that they do not need external validation from others to feel valuable. 1 2 3 4 5

   
   

Total Score for Encouraging Children's Self-Worth: __________

Interpretation:

Part 1: Self-Reflection on Your Own Self-Worth

• 5-10: It may be beneficial to explore your own self-worth more deeply. Consider seeking resources or support that can help you grow in confidence and self-acceptance.

• 11-15: You have a moderate understanding of your self-worth, but there is room for growth. Reflect on specific actions you can take to boost your self-esteem and well-being.

• 16-20: Fantastic! You have a strong grasp of your inherent value. This positive self-perception will not only benefit you but also serve as a powerful example for your children.

  
  

Part 2: How You Encourage Self-Worth in Your Children

• 5-10: It may be useful to focus on how to reinforce your child's inherent value beyond their achievements. Consider adjusting your approach to praise and discussions about self-worth.

• 11-15: You're making progress in fostering self-worth in your child, but there are still areas that could use improvement. Keep emphasizing their unique qualities and strengths.

• 16-20: Excellent job! Your understanding and support of your child's self-worth is strong. Keep nurturing this positive environment as they grow, as your influence is vital to their self-perception.

Conclusion: Building Lasting Resilience

Emily's transformation from a child knocked down by setbacks to one who understands her intrinsic value is a powerful reminder for us all. By shifting our focus from merely building self-esteem to cultivating self-worth, we equip our children with the resilience they need to face life's challenges with confidence.

As parents and caretakers, let’s celebrate every little victory, engage in these fun activities, and always remind our children of their immeasurable worth. Aand Sokeetee the Philosopher Cat, which aims to introduce self-worth awareness to your kids.

Nurturing your own self-worth is just as important as raising healthy children. You cannot pour from an empty cup; to nurture self-worth in your child, you must first cultivate it within yourself.

Additionally, I encourage you to explore my poetry collections, Rain and Rainbows and Shadows and Sunrises. Both collections serve as daily reminders through free verse to help bring self-worth awareness into your everyday life.fter all, every child deserves to be recognized for the amazing person they are inside — for the love, kindness, and creativity that make them shine!

If you enjoyed the post, please check out my children's book series, Charlie