Love Yourself, Flaws and All

The Poem: A Reflection

we're human with flaws

sometimes you discipline yourself,

against your natural self,

trying to keep your impulses

and your desires

on the shelf,

feeling like

you're afraid of yourself.

but you cannot

be afraid of yourself

when no one is watching.

it’s the fear of losing control,

and that fear leads to limits.

sometimes you try to

overcontrol,

try to shape your conditions

to fit into a mould,

and forget --

you’re a human with flaws,

and in your quest for perfection,

you create your own afflictions.

...

-- from Rain and Rainbow by Mama Maja

The Weight of Expectations

Life can be tough, especially when we feel the weight of expectations pressing down on us. I’ve witnessed this struggle firsthand with my daughter Maya, who excelled academically and in sports. Despite being cherished and achieving remarkable things, she faced deep fears about maintaining her status. These fears led her to step away from the activities she once loved, and ultimately, it was a transformative journey for us both.

Maya’s experience has pushed me to reflect on how we treat ourselves and the messages we convey to our children. It highlighted the importance of accepting ourselves—flaws and all. Without this foundation, we often chase an image of perfection, seeking validation from the outside world instead of recognizing that our worth is inherent.

The Two Wolves: A Battle Within

There’s a story that highlights our internal struggles—of two wolves battling within each of us. One wolf embodies anger, fear, jealousy, and the critical voice that tells us we’re not good enough. The other wolf represents love, kindness, joy, and the ability to accept ourselves without harsh judgment.

These two wolves are constantly at war, battling for our thoughts and emotions. The wolf that wins is determined by which one we feed. If we focus on negative thoughts and fears, we feed the angry wolf. However, if we nurture love and kindness towards ourselves, we empower the joyful wolf to emerge.

This tale holds significant wisdom. Instead of getting caught up in who we think we should be, we can acknowledge our flaws and struggles as part of our human experience. This doesn’t mean we ignore our imperfections; rather, we learn to see them as aspects of our journey.

The Cost of Perfectionism

When we view ourselves through the lens of perfectionism, we lose sight of who we truly are. We focus on flaws not as parts of a larger, human experience but as shortcomings that define us. Often, we become preoccupied with worrying about others' perceptions rather than embracing our authentic selves.

The quest for perfection can leave us feeling inadequate and lonely, creating an internal battle that can be exhausting. This relentless pursuit often stems from a desire for approval, underlining a belief that our worth is tied to our achievements or the accolades we receive.

The Path to Acceptance

It’s vital to be gentle with ourselves. Allow for mistakes and growth without the harsh self-judgment. Show yourself the same kindness you would extend to a friend. Let’s shift our focus—embrace who we are, imperfections included. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being genuine. Your worth isn’t determined by achievements or others’ opinions. It’s simply part of being human, and that’s enough.

Thank you for joining me in this heart-to-heart conversation. If you’re looking to instill self-love and self-worth in yourself and your kids, you may find my poetry books Rain and Rainbow and Shadows and Sunrises to be helpful on your journey to embracing your whole self.

For your little ones, the titles You Can Do It!, Good or Bad, Little Me, A Perfect Tree, and True Feeling Stars from the Charlie and Sokeetee the Philosopher Cat series explore self-love from various perspectives. These books are designed to help nurture happy and wholesome children.

Let’s continue to embrace our flaws and support one another on this journey of acceptance. Together, we can choose to feed the loving wolf within and celebrate our authentic selves.